I created this page on certain issues that I personally have gone through in my previous relationship of 12 years. Jealousy and Domestic Violence was an everyday occurrence. I learned how to listen, react and stay safe! There are several factors mentioned here that has altered and scared my life forever. It has taken me into another world of hurt, confusion and loneliness. I’m one of many voices heard…
Jealousy: It’s a common misconception that jealousy is a sign of love.Jealousy can be a major relationship problem—a survey of marital therapists reported that romantic jealousy was a serious problem for a third of their clients. I hope to dispel the myth that jealousy is a sign of love. But if it’s not, then what really motivates jealous responses?
Research has linked several traits to greater jealousy:
Neuroticism: a general tendency to be moody, anxious, and emotionally unstable.
Feelings of insecurity and possessiveness.
Dependence on your partner: Even asking people to imagine that they don’t have good alternative partners leads to more negative reactions to hypothetical jealousy-inducing scenarios.
Feelings of inadequacy in your relationship: Generally fearing that you’re not good enough for your partner.
An anxious attachment style: A chronic orientation toward romantic relationships that involves fear that your partner will leave you or won’t love you enough. Research has shown that temporarily causing people to feel more securely attached, by asking them to think about receiving support from a loved one, makes them react less severely to a hypothetical jealousy-inducing situation.
All of these factors that relate to jealousy are about the insecurities of the jealous people, not about the love they have for their partner.
There are many forms of abuse, jealousy, bullying and causes for suicide no one person’s experience is the same. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you fear for your safety, feel threatened or fear that you have nowhere to turn in life please reach out. Please find someone that will help. People are always willing to reach out and help in any way possible.
I found out about her jealousy at a very early stage of our relationship. I had never encountered jealousy before in any of my previous relationships. I did not know how to go about letting her know I wasn’t doing anything wrong and not getting accused nor get beat up by a barbell or board. It took me a very long time to recognize her rage and how to counteract her actions when this occurred. Through the years of accusations and beatings, I learned how to pay close attention to her tone of voice and her actions and how she was going to approach me with accusations. It was like a pattern of violence I faced in our 12 year relationship.
Growing up, my grandmother would often tell me, “Those who accuse others of doing wrong, are actually the ones doing the wrong”. Those words rang so true when I found out of her infidelity with one of our “so called” friends. I believe she thought, if she could do it, then it would be easy for me to be unfaithful to her. So many times, she cheated and still she had the rage within her…
I promised myself that I will never in my life be with a woman that would cause harm to me, be unfaithful, and above all …jealous.
In her jealous rage, I would often get hit, accused or simply thrown out the house. This was all caused by her insecurities. She would tell me about how she was abused when she was a child and had anger within herself that she could not get rid of. I would often try to talk to her about it, but she would immediately get mad at me and walk away. Alot of her anger would lead to violent behavior. She would often slap, hit, kick even spit at me with her jealous rage.
I was raised to never lift a hand to a woman even when she places herself in a mans shoe! I would protect myself each time and took each hit she threw. I would often question myself "why am I doing this and why can’t I just walk away for good"? Simple anwser …my kids! If I wasn’t there to protect them like I usually did from their mom, then who would?
I should had left her along time ago, I stayed for all the wrong reasons thinking she would eventually change and see the truth. I also did not want to leave the kids alone with her because she had hit them before and I had to stand between them and pull her away from the kids plenty of times.
It took me 12 years to walk away from it all. The kids were older and could protect themselves. September 21, 2007 I was free of all accusations, pain, and violence! I was finally free from all the hurt and anger …So I thought! The story continues…
Suicidal thoughts, much like mental health conditions, can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or background. In fact, suicide is often the result of an untreated mental health condition. Suicidal thoughts, although common, should not be considered normal and often indicate more serious issues.
September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month — a time to raise awareness on this stigmatized, and often taboo, topic. In addition to shifting public perception, we use this month to spread hope and vital information to people affected by suicide. Our goal is ensuring that individuals, friends and families have access to the resources they need to discuss suicide prevention and to seek help.
Throughout the month of September, NAMI will highlight “Together for Mental Health,” which encourages people to bring their voices together to advocate for better mental health care, including a crisis response system. NAMI wants any person experiencing suicidal thoughts or behaviors to have a number to call, a system to turn to, that would connect them to the treatment and support they need.
STOP THE HURT!
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